I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
