i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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