I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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