gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
