She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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