she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
