shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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