He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
