Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
