drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
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i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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