She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
