I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
