Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
