Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
