i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
