Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
