Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
