You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize