He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
