don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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