thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
