ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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