I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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