How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
