She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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