i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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