i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize