Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
