So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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