Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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