I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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