I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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