Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
smell my finger.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
