Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
