Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
