You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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