3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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