So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Say something about gay babies.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
