my mouth tastes like poor choices
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize