Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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