Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
