Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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