Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
