Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
