My sheets look like a crime scene.
we made out on top of his cat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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