Your tits are I can't wait for
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have fence marks all over my body
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
