Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
