dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
