Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
