So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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