dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
