youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
