I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
