Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
