I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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