were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
