I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
