At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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