Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
