I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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