Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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