Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
