My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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