Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
