I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
