it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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