I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
