Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
