By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
