All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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