I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
