so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if only i could text you this smell
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
