so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
